“I love helping people to build happy and healthy relationships”
Gold Coast & Sydney
    • 26 AUG 16
    • 0
    I have just experienced a situation with my 13 year old daughter and Facebook that has left me feeling very disturbed…

    I have just experienced a situation with my 13 year old daughter and Facebook that has left me feeling very disturbed…

    I would like to hear how you would have handled it and I would like other parents to hear this story and be aware that this too could happen to your child. Very recently, I checked my daughter’s Facebook, as I often do only to discover that there was a statement that my daughter “thinks so and so’s penis is great!”.

    I was horrified and stared at the page in disbelief. My husband and I were dumbstruck and sat contemplating what we would do when our daughter returned home. 

    She was out at the time at a holiday school camp and when she returned we both asked her what this comment was all about, she denied that she knew anything about it and we reacted by going mental.

    She swore she didn’t write it on her Facebook but we could not understand how she didn’t do it when it was posted by her.

    We eventually calmed down when her elder brother came home and said the boy that was named probably posted it himself. I questioned how he could do this without her password, which she maintained she had not given to anyone.

    My son then asked her if she had let anyone use her I-phone. She said she had and remembered she had given it to one of the boys at the camp to play with. My son then showed us how this boy had gone into her Facebook through her I phone, without having to know her password and wrote the statement, probably thinking it was funny.

    We have taken her phone away for the present time and we have banned her from using Facebook until we decide what will be the best line of action to take. Here I am now asking you what you think would be the appropriate way to handle this situation?

    Answer

    Like you, I think this behaviour is disgusting, unfunny and very disturbing.  May I suggest you talk quietly and objectively with your daughter and explain the ramifications for her if this statement were to be true and written by her?

    She would immediately be labeled a “slut” by her peers; some parents may stop their daughters from being friends with her as seeing her as a bad influence and many of the boys she is friendly with may make provocative and nasty comments to her.

    The fact that the statement wasn’t written by her is terrible and the boy who was responsible needs to be reprimanded and punished accordingly. I suggest you contact this boy’s parents, and ask to see them personally.

    I would then explain what he did and ask them what their thoughts are re his behavior. They may fob it off saying that he is only a “kid” and didn’t understand the consequences of his behavior, and that may be so, but he needs to understand the ramifications of what he did and apologize personally and publicly to your daughter.

    I suggest he posts a statement on your daughter’s site owning his bad behavior and apologizing for it. I also suggest you give the I-phone back to your daughter and her lesson is never to let anyone use her I phone.

    Finally I do want to applaud you for keeping close observation of your daughter’ Facebook as this situation is a perfect example of where the site can be abused or children may say and do things that are hurtful and destructive.

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Ruth Simons
Suite 4, The Professional Centre, 189 Ashmore Road Gold Coast, Queensland QLD 4217
16 Vernon Street, Bondi Junction Sydney, New South Wales NSW 2022
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Ruth Simons | Psychologist & Clinical Psychotherapist Ruth Simons psychologist, clinical psychotherapist, relationship counselling, sex therapy, anxiety treatment without medication psychologist, psychotherapist, anxiety, depression, counselling, sexual therapy, relationship counselling, separation counselling, blended families, communication skills 2018 Ruth Simons